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Thursday, March 23, 2017

How One Fan Stole my Voice

Hi there,

Let me say firstly that I'm sorry this isn't going to be a tale of some crazed stalker pinching my recordings or anything as equally intriguing, as my title may suggest. But it is about something more insidious for performers like me.

I did a gig recently where I completely lost my confidence. It was a new gig for me and I had a lot of new songs jostling for real estate inside my head so perhaps I wasn't as self possessed as I might have been with a more familiar repertoire. But really, I have been doing this a long time and I am often thrown into brand new situations, so what was so different?

It started almost as soon as the show began. A few times during the beginning of the first set, I opened my mouth and absolutely no sound came out.  I didn't have a cold,  my voice felt warmed up and in good shape before I hit the stage, so what was going on?  Eventually I spied in the corner of my eye, side of stage, a portable pedestal fan, aimed directly and going at full bore at my face. It was obviously meant to help the performers keep cool and combat the incredible humidity that hung in the air that night. The venue folk weren't to know that blasts of air like these were my Kryptonite.

Voices are as individual as the singers who possess them so not everyone would have had the same reaction I did, although it is fairly common. This fan was quite literally stealing my voice away by drying my mouth out. Anyway, I angled the fan away from me and that fixed the problem quick smart. Well one of the problems. I had my voice back but what to do about my desire to have the stage swallow me up because I was ashamed of my singing? It took the rest of the set to regain my equilibrium and I know my overall performance suffered as a result. Apparently I managed to summon enough superficial bravado to convince the audience that all was right with my world, and the momentary blips in my singing were barely noticed. But inside I was really struggling. And unfortunately, while I may be getting better and better at covering it up, this wasn't the first time I've let something like that throw me. It really reinforces the fact that singing and performing really are psychological games. Preparation, practice, skill - all vital, but sometimes confidence is everything.

Got any tips on how you handle your inner anxious dude?

All the best,

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